I want to say that life is not fair, but the truth is that I don't want life to be fair. I don't want to stand with the masses of humanity and be compared with them. I don't even want to stand with the "Americans" (North and South) and be compared with them.
What do I deserve? What should I expect? How much stuff should just be give unto me, provided by my friends and family?
I want to post that life is hard right now, but that would be posting a lie. Life is not easy, but it is not that hard. Having no money, having no hope of money; that is not like having no God, no friends, no family.
I remember going to college and getting a room. I remember how that room made me feel so secure, so settled. I knew I had a home for the year! I did not need to find a place to live, I had a permanent place. Where is my permanent place now?
My permanent place is in me. Although I still panic, have boughs of fear and shame, I know that God has chosen me and that He will guide me. I don't know how easy or hard it will be, only that I will not be alone. I do not deserve God in me, but I have Him. In all my needs, He is my ability to suffer, to endure, to be patient and to prosper.
