The New Year is in full throttle. For me it is like this year (which I started with the beginning of Advent this year) is one big unexpected savor! My life is a paradox of hopes and dreams of the past failing to materialize and my life being filled with unexpected love, kindness and help. It is like my life is a layered sucker; you know the ones where a new layer of taste is just waiting for you to lick off the one you are presently on. In this case the next layer is not just a surprise, but a shock. This shock is both an extreme of good and not good. It is like my life has become like the world; drought, flood, riches, and devastation. It is like a get a great “bailout” and “calamity” at the same time.
Just prior to my trip to AZ, something I will talk about later, we had an episode with the water heater and the carbon dioxide, the dishwasher went out (the machine not Shirley), our office and home computer failed and Shirley continues to battle a health issue. And at the same time we received blessings of money, food, furniture, friendship and gifts of food, fun and fellowship. WoW!
In AZ I recall laying in bed shaking with a fever at by brothers house on a Sunday night. I was feeling so bad but at the same time the presence of the Lord was so near that I could not stop praying. I recall thinking that “this is crazy”. But it was not crazy, more like wonderful. It was like by body was rotten, no good, miserable but I was keenly aware of the Lord. I felt so loved and so sick at the same time.
What I hope happens from writing this note is that someone will come up to me and say, “hey Rod my life is just like that”. “My life is full of troubles and full of God, it’s beyond sorting out”. I am looking for this confirmation so that misery can love company or so that I can rejoice with those who rejoice. But regardless of my motivation I do truly wonder how many great saints are living faithful lives in dark times.
I never wanted to be a Job, Jeremiah, Isaiah or even Paul during the prison years. I always wanted to be the guy that lived and great life for God on “easy street”. If enduring and going through stuff empowers us to love and serve others, what have I gained authority to say? Maybe the message that I have for the nations (small groups of people who do not know one another) is “keep sucking”. That sounds like a good redneck message.
Keep sucking and allow your deep spirit to love God no matter what taste is in your mouth. Enjoy the sweet but not so much as to distract you from His work yet to be done on the earth. Endure the bitter, but with no malice or self pity. God treats His friends in a rather mature way and going through pain and suffering is nothing more than an opportunity to validate your intimacy with God or enter into a deeper chamber of His love.
It was just after 5 in the morning. I just got out of the emergency room and into my room, waiting for surgery. The doctor came into my room, both a kind and direct man. He wakes me up and said that he did not have an opportunity to review the paperwork until now and that we have a problem. I did not have insurance. Do you know what it feels like to be sick, needing surgery and be told by your surgeon that “I don’t operate on people without insurance”. But then, as if an Angle of grace came into the room this doctor patted me on the leg and said, “but I will take care of you”. “But I will take care of you”, is the sound of a helpless sick man being given hope and healing. It is the sound of one layer of that sucker being licked off into the next. It is like this constant mingling of “worst news” “best news” lifestyle.
My life lesson – keep sucking!
He who endures to the end will be saved.
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