October 11, 2011 Observations

October 11, 2011

Observations

 (Philippians 4:11) 

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.

I have noticed that focusing on the Spirit within, the ability to focus on the self is greatly diminished.  Gazing to follow the Spirit brings a security not lived out in “serving to do right” from a human performance method.  In just this short time I notice that I have more peace when I seek simply to obey the Lord , as opposed to managing my behavior.  I will probably need some outside verification that I have not fallen into a “more selfish” pit, but I think my outward actions are more in line with Christ also. 

One surprise that I have found is in listening.  When I am not is self-manage mode, I have time to listen to others.  I do not feel the compulsion to respond or defend my position or actions.  It is more like I feel more sorrow for past mistakes, and a longing not to dwell on them or allow them to rule over me.  So I think I am open to the Spirit and others more, I grant them a more true entrance into my emotions and thoughts.  It seems like the Spirit highlights failure so that we move forward into Christ likeness.  The Spirit choosing to have us dwell on our faults and failures only when we are not “getting “the lessons we need.

The first hours of this adventure I could feel a ripping of the souls’ delight away from my thoughts of pleasure.  How can being holy be pleasurable?  I feel a ripping, pulling, tearing away from my security of future fun.  To trust the Master for fun, what faith is needed for this?

In reading the Desert Fathers I have considered their thoughts.  To desire Christ Jesus you must have seen him.  This seeing is not a vision but an unfolding of Christ into our hearts.  Some who write on this describe it as seeing the Lord in a mirror.  The clearer the vision of the Lord the more a person desires to behold Him more.  When the vision is in a broken mirror, containing reflections of other things and distorted views, so also is the desire to see the Lord continually fragmented.  Pride would have us seek to “self fix” the mirror.  Humility would have us be a good steward of what we have received.  Pride calls out, “I can do better”, humility whispers, “Lord Jesus have mercy on me”.   I am aware of the two men who stood before the alter to pray.

What gain is Christ to the soulish man

In every way it seems

For un-separated from self he lives

And Christ heals everything