Being New

So you want into your “prayer space” and want to come out totally new. How can you do that?
Being something we are not is an issue that every person has. Even those who very, very, very much like who they are, still have areas where they want to be changed or different. It is not uncommon to desire to be two seemly opposite things at the same time. You may want to be more creative and spontaneous while also desiring to be more ordered and thoughtful before responding. That is a part of the trouble of desiring to be something new. It truly is an endless choice.
So last night I went into the place of prayer and wanted to make a difference in the world and in my personal life. I wanted to be a better man coming out than I was before. So what happens? In the typical mode (each of us has a typical way God deals with us) here is what I experience.
1. I start to have the opposite of what I desire. If I want to be creative I seem to shut down. If I want to love, I seem to be cold hearted and dry. This is actually a gift from God so that we can work through the circumstances and gain what we seek. Having the desire often opens the door to working on the transformation. Yes, God does have supernatural transformation, but most of the time it is through discipline.
2. The stronghold of my flesh can arise. By this I mean that anger, pride, jealously or fear; whatever is my main fleshy stronghold tries to take over. This is because this monster of the self does not want to give us it’s place. It is a normal situation in the flesh and in the spirit. Don’t be upset because of the battle, thank God that the will to change has exposed the stronghold. Use the sword of the Spirit, the word of God to attack the enemy of your soul. Have you mindset on what God says and over rule the thoughts of the enemy or self.
3. God pulls a 180 0n me by showing me that the thing I desire is truly rooted in self and I am just seeking a way to be a “better me”. Better in that I am becoming more of a self and not truly seeking to be more as in the sence of bringing glory to God. God usually does this “U” turn to me by using my pride, ambition or creative pride to fall flat. It’s the humiliation that could have been avoided by simple humility.
4. I encounter grace. In the Spirit I enter a place where I am free to become, to change, to risk and to find the reward of seeking. It may not always be great on the outside, but I am changing from the inside out. It is like the desire goes from a thought to internal activity. “I am doing it”. It just may not be mature in the doing.