I need more time to be selfish!

I need more time to be selfish. I keep cutting into my "me" time by helping others out. If you are not careful in this life you will end up helping everyone else but yourself. Just today I encountered several other people who wanted and needed help in doing and being what God was asking of them.

If this keeps up I will need to greatly re-evaluate how much time I should give to me. It looks like I will end up with just a fraction of "me time" that I want. And who is going to help me be me. I mean it is starting to look like the only one who can help me be me while I help others be who they should be is God. But if God is helping me be me, who is going to do all the God stuff?

Maybe I should just love my neighbor as myself, you know, give them a cookie and a cup of coffee and be done with it.

Kids

Kids behave like kids. And I behave like a big, old kid.

weighing in

When weighing in on an issue or argument, do we need to have a balanced answer? In those times we are seeking to express an idea contrary to that which is being expressed, do we need to avoid extreme comments?

Most of the time my response is in proportion to how far out there the other person is. If there are "really wrong" then I give a "really right" response. If the person is only a little off, I share just a "little" true perspective. But is this manipulation of the degree of truth, untruth?

I have found two things I do not like. The first is just answers (answers that are seeking the truth not counter balance)seeking peace. Peacemaking is a Godly character so I ought to be seeking it. But in truth, I love a little conflict so I often move beyond peace to tension with an calculated imbalanced answer. On days when I have had 12 or more caffeine drinks and start to crash I can move from hearing to out right fighting in less than ........, we as fast as I can.

The second thing I found that I do not like is thinking before I speak. It is much easier to just speak and listen to what you are saying as you say it. If you listen to your words before you speak them, much of the creativity and energy is lost in the time listening. But when we do this "listen as we speak" method, we sometimes find that we do not agree with all we are saying, but since we are the one who is saying it, we must agree, to a degree.

Well I thought I would just weigh in on this issue.

We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for.

Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Highway or Wilderness

In life, what are you looking for? There are people who look for the highway. They look for a smooth and easy place to live and walk, a place where it seems people are going somewhere and doing something. Highway people seem to have inner comfort by being with others, even if they are confined to one road and a standard view of life.

I like the highway because it takes me to the wilderness. So when I get to the wilderness I get off the highway and try to find a place without a path. To walk and see what others dread, is joy to me. This does not mean I have a need to be in danger, it just means my inner life is activated by the wonder of all that is lost to highway travel.

Much of American church life is highway life. People are instructed to run with group. You are called a break out leader if you build a highway. People call you adventurous if you tell great stories of the wilderness from rest stops on the highway. But if you choose to live in the wilderness, those on the highway will call you a fool, unbalanced, lost. Have you ever noticed that you can sell out and be completely committed to anything, sports, music, career, education, anything but God. When you sell out for an earthly thing you are committed, but when you sell out for God they want to commit you. They say you are lost.

Being lost is an awful feeling. I hate it when I get lost in all the traffic of life, when the demands of others drive out the desires of God, when people clamor for your approval and then cut you off on there way to be next in a long line. I love being lost in the wilderness. Just the reality of needing a guide, of finding that I am helpless, the surrender to my self and the dependence on God. When you get lost on the highway you can drive on for years and no one will ever question if you are going the right way. When you even think you are lost in the wilderness you are questioned every day.

"Is this the right step for me" is a daily question that is to slow and burdensome to those who run wide open on the highway. Yet asking that question daily, if not every hour is a question of communion and fellowship. I love, loving God and needing and seeking Him is my delight.

I just saw a great place to get off this highway. Gotta go!

God Talk

God is always talking to us because he has spoken. The other night I was out hunting in the cold and rain. As the wind blew and the clouds zipped past I was reminded that I was quite small. I was wonderfully awakened to the reality that there is little I can do to even survive if things go bad with mother nature. This is one way God speaks to us. He talks through nature.

But we avoid this "God talk" by lining in climate controlled homes and transporting ourselves in climate controlled vehicles. We Americans live in a world that is separated from "God talk" 101. If we could just go out in the cold some night and watch the stars, we would feel much less sure of ourselves and much more assured of God's ability to hole all things together.

Bird watching is also another biblical method of hearing the Lord. Poor birds, out there is the wind and rain. What is it with God that going through a little hardship that might lead to death is, "not that big of a deal". I guess if you are going to live forever, not living is not big!

I think that if you want to hear from God you need to be aware of your limits. It seems like to start to learn "God talk" you need to be aware that He does not speak English, but talks in nature, storms, plant and animal behaviour and fire. This is probably scary to those who sit in easy chairs and read all about God in books. Yet to the poor, the needy, the oppressed in this world love God talking to them in real life language. For when you are tired, hungry, suffering; nothing quite lifts the spirit as beholding the one who holds the stars in His hand, who is the cause of the winds and the waves and who is aware of that little bird, shivering in the branches.

We all must choose to either keep on loving the God we make up in our minds or to love the one who is. Loving the God who is requires much more humility that loving the God of our own perception, but in the long run, the real is always better than the imaginary.

Evan Almighty

It is exciting times when the movies offer as much revelation as the church meeting. How wonderful is it that people pay top dollar to go to Sunday school at the local theater. The super-sized plus is that you get great popcorn, are not required to be still (but most of the time you want to), and you can have fun.

I am excited that Hollywood has a mysterious God and not some being who is reduced down to sever predictable points that we can all manipulate by demanding His obedience to some written code book. God is a God of intrigue and that aspect of Him often causes us to pout and whine. "If He loved me he would do what I want", "If He knew what I was going through he would help me out".

Those who practice the contemplative life enjoy the portrayal of God when humanity seeks to control and argue. "And poof, he is gone". I love/hate it when God acts out in his Godliness and refuses to sink to my level. It reminds we that his very presence is a statement of his unending love and I need to get beyond by self-love and enjoy him.

Oct. 1, 2007

What a morning. Crisp air, cool breeze, prayer room filled with God. This morning was the first day in the GBF for Oct. It would have been a great day to hunt, but seeking the Lord was better in so many ways.

Yet the more we get the heart of the Lord, the more we are messed up for this world. The Kingdom life is not the life this world values, but so what. There is not value on earth compared to even the littlest drop of heaven. And we were made for heaven, Him and things eternal.

Thank You Lord for this day and life.

Three Fires

The fire that burns on earth
lessor fire indeed
Passion, lust, greed, romance, hatred
little fires controlling only humanity
A greater fire is unquenchable, yet limited
The third has no bounds
It burns in the heart of uncreated power
It could be whatever it deemed, but it chose love
Unstoppable, it stops at nothing to illuminate us
Seeking to awaken us from lessor fire's deadly flame
One flicker of unbounded flame scorches the heart
A holy scar of earthly indifference
Nothing here now rules
Only the unbound fire can now warm the heart.

Endless Quest

Life is more than an endless quest for purpose
Only He is worthy of such devotion
Not ourselves
Living life with Him opens our ears
Our eyes see and we understand the next step
In Him is life
Devotion, focus, passion are not life
Life is deeper than created-ness
Life is a mysterious reality
To find yourself is to loose yourself
To live you must die, and you must be found
Not in ourselves, but in Christ
The mystery of living hidden in Christ
Endless Quest

Grow Deep in Love

I want to say that life is not fair, but the truth is that I don't want life to be fair. I don't want to stand with the masses of humanity and be compared with them. I don't even want to stand with the "Americans" (North and South) and be compared with them.

What do I deserve? What should I expect? How much stuff should just be give unto me, provided by my friends and family?

I want to post that life is hard right now, but that would be posting a lie. Life is not easy, but it is not that hard. Having no money, having no hope of money; that is not like having no God, no friends, no family.

I remember going to college and getting a room. I remember how that room made me feel so secure, so settled. I knew I had a home for the year! I did not need to find a place to live, I had a permanent place. Where is my permanent place now?

My permanent place is in me. Although I still panic, have boughs of fear and shame, I know that God has chosen me and that He will guide me. I don't know how easy or hard it will be, only that I will not be alone. I do not deserve God in me, but I have Him. In all my needs, He is my ability to suffer, to endure, to be patient and to prosper.

Wisdom from above

Wisdom tells us to pay attention to the way we live. Most of us can labor quite earnestly to be worthy of the Lord, and this is good. Yet we can also keep our mind on things above and trust in the Lord's ability to be Lord.

It is a form of pride to be your own Master. When we are the primary party for our salvation and maturity, the Lord is removed to a place lower than "first" and we most often fill the void we created when we lowered Him.

"Filling", "maturing", "perfecting", "empowering" are just a few of the words describing what God does. He is the "judge" and is full of justice. Yet because He is not a man, He both works on His creation to perfect it, and judges what He has done. It takes God in us to be changed, it is not by human effort or desire.

I trust the Lord to move on my little desires, which He stimulated in the first place, and work in me for His good will. When I find myself alone, isolated, and threatened, I will keep myself under His rule and live as though I cannot do anything apart from Him, yet, in His will and rule, I can do all things.

Christ working in me is more than an idea, it is a reality.

Why Is It?

Why is it that you are criticized if you give yourself wholeheartedly to God, yet if you give God a good effort and still maintain worldly pursuits, you are OK?

Why is it that if it cost you something to follow or serve God that is questioned, but if you get something out of serving or following, your are "blessed"?

Why do people who call themselves leaders get mad if you do not follow them, shouldn't they just lead and let us follow?

Why is it that having a title of position makes one successful and powerful, did the person change with the name plate? Did they improve or mature when given the title?

Why is it that people worship ease and delight in the good time, are they unaware of the beauty of the cross and the power and authority gained in suffering?

Why is it that the deep things of our lives are so easily suppressed by a little music, a little entertainment and a little sleep?

Why is it that the most powerful being in the universe asks us for permission?

In this moment with God

Life can be lived a moment at a time
Yet I choose not this, but another state of mind.
I choose to avoid the present to ponder the past.
I choose to loose my peace by fearing what is to come.
If I were a smart man, I would be happy with God now
Now with God
Happy just to be with Him
No matter the state.

When ever I stop living in the shame of the past
Or the concerns of the future
I find great emotional delight of walking with God
My heart burns with the pleasure of being near Him
My burden is light

Who will help me live in the now with God
Who will remind my wondering thoughts to surrender to the moment
To live where they should and refrain from where they should not
I think I will, I will help myself

This self help is driven by love
I want to live in love
Yet loving self is worthless
Loving Him, My Master is allowed each moment, each now
So now, I am happily in love

Hated

This world hates you if you do not serve it. All the systems of this world tend to be against God, against creativity and against life. If you desire to follow God in this world you will be going against the crowd and against world leaders. This does not mean we hate them or even talk bad about them, we just live our lives going in the opposite direction.

The thing or a thing that offends and brings out the hate is "living without systems" and living by relationship. If the world can keep us living by systems than we keep eating from what we know is good and evil. Satan is very skilled at helping us justify all we eat there. If we live by having a real and authentic relationship with God, not even we get to control, rule and dictate.

Presently most of the Spiritual leaders I know trust more in a system then they do in a relationship with God. Even the most basic parts of that relationship, faith, they turn into rules and laws. It is as if they cannot have relationship and fellowship with God and like the people of Israel in the wilderness, just want the rules, let another have a relationship.

I remember why they chose the rules and not the relationship. They were afraid of God and wanted to be distant from Him. Too bad they believed in that false hope. How many of us also love the false hope of our systems, rules and personal theology rather than the voice of God, the leading of the Spirit and the conviction of truth. Better to live by our personal basis of scripture, our self justification of who God is and our selfish revelations of a man centered gospel than to live by obedience to the God who is there.

Faith is a Walk

Fully broken I stand content
To live a life of dying
Fearing man, not so much
As fearing my self and deception

When the deep calls for response
Will I have one word of wisdom
When questioned as to my life
Can my death be a worthy defense

While theologians easily divide fear and faith
My heart is not so divided
Am I in pursuit of God’s ways
Or am I lazy

Called to do what I can not do
Gathering people when I delight not to
Broken by self awareness now
More broken by justice atoned

A public boast is a little thing
Who will stand firm in dark nights and isolated space
In this life of death to self
Brothers, Father, Spirit; guide me

Praying in Peoria

One great beauty of the Catholic church is their organization that supports people who live there life in community and give themselves to prayer. In the protestant world each one needs a worth greater than community and communion with God. If I plan and prepare for a one hour meeting, then I am a minister. If I give hours in intercession for others, I am lazy and need to get a job. After all I can always pray. But is it now the time for communion to be restored?

I feel such a pressure to earn money, have a good job and develop a platform to minister from. Yet I must tell you that when I stand and offer prayers for unknown people in unknown pain, when I give my self to God and feel His hope flow through me to those in need, suffering, isolated, rejected…. Even though I have no scorecard to verify my labor, even though I have not means of testing my fruitfulness, I hope in Christ that I have not lived in vain.

The hours I spend with God trying to find a place in this world that embraces me. Why should I seek a place to rest my head. Am I enough like Christ that I too suffer rejection in this life? Am I so off that the Bride rejects my folly, my stupid ways.

Dan 9:3 So I gave my attention to the Lord God to seek Him by prayer and supplications, with fasting, sackcloth and ashes.

What does that look like in 2007 in America? IHOP touches the nations, but will Peoria IL open up and receive? Will priests, singers, musicians and intercessors be a part of the life of God’s Bride in Peoria?

Dissatisfied

What if Satan came up with a plan to attack us and ruin our lives? What if that plan was to make us dissatisfied, to make us complain, to make us unhappy in most every area of life? So the evil one might make us complain about the government, our jobs, our mates, our families, our jobs and our churches.
What if "the plan" of the evil one was to make us hard, to have little faith, little hope? What if Satan won a victory over God by making us people who complain, who are critical, who have no hope in mankind or God? In time we might become a society of people who grumble and complain, doing little if anything to make life better. And why should we labor to make things better, someone else or something else will just come along and ruin it!
Maybe we should look at all the sources of our life that bring us messages of dissatisfaction. We should look at what we watch and listen to. We should watch what we read and how we read. We should neglect idle comments, not listen to vain opinions and be careful to examine things to see the truth, the good and the just; not to just fill our mouths with grumbling and complaining.
I just came from a week in the out doors. No matter how stormy it is, nature does not complain. Even when the winds of life break the trees and overrun the streams; you will hear no grumbling remarks from nature. Should not created man take a lesson on life? Have you ever thought of what "life" is? What does it mean to be alive? What is living about? What is it about the very nature of life that should cause rejoicing, hope and value?
In the days past there was a people of God who traveled through the wilderness with God, yet all the time grumbled and complained. Is the church in America just like those people? I hope that I am not.

God Uses Props

As I was reading through the O.T. I noticed how many props God used. If an ax head fell into the water the prophet did not pray, "float". No the prophet threw a stick in the water. If one prophet was going to pass on his power to another, a mantle or "light summer jacket" was given as the method of transmission. In our day I think we would say "receive" or "take it" and there would be no object involved.

Could it be that we are enlightened now, more academic and we do not need props or equipment to do the work of the Lord. Maybe we are more educated and we trust words more than images. Maybe we just don 't know what they knew?

I was thinking about taking my walking stick and laying in across the face of the next sick person that wanted me to pray for them. By "laying" I mean nicely, politely. I think it could get the same results as my verbal prayers. When did we become a society of Christians who function in a word only ministry style?

At the end of the day the Holy Spirit must be the one to engage the human heart with the message of God. Yet even today the Lord Himself still uses nature and imagery to connect with us. So maybe we too can be used in partnership with the Holy Spirit to work the work of God with sticks and stones. I know of one stick (cross) and one stone (seal on the tomb) that were dramatic tools.

Living In the Dark

There are some people being called to walk into the dark evil of this world, to kneel down and face all the pain, suffering, sickness and demons there, while they wait for others to follow. If no one else comes they will live their life alone, but not in vain. If others come the darkness will be pushed back, not by them, but by the light.
Each Christian is given a light, like a candle, to live with. This candle is the light of mankind that lives in us when we come to follow the Lord. This candle can grown in brilliance, yet we seldom know ourselves how bright our light is. This is the wisdom of God for us.
At some point in each of our lives we come upon a great wilderness of darkness. This darkness is so dark that we cannot see into it. If you start to enter this abyss, you will find that each step brings greater fears, greater insecurity and greater worthlessness. If you go very far it is as if evil comes to live in you, your hope fails, your since of life itself, diminishes, at times it is all you can do to stay alive.
So why go into the dark, why take the light into the darkness? The answer to that has no human answer. While many seek to do things for the betterment of mankind, that alone is not reason enough to loose your life in the darkness. It is a good reason, just not good enough. Christ-likeness is the only reason to die in life. It is not a thing we do for the betterment of mankind, it is not an issue of making the world a better place, it all depends on Christ-likeness.
A part of Christ-likeness is that it does not depend upon human reason or effort. It is not a matter of someone saying, "I think I will push back the darkness in this area for the Lord." While this may seem noble, it is foolish. Instead each person has their heart marked with the will of God for them. It is only at the point of this branding that we can enter and live in the darkness in such a way that it draws others and in the end, expands the light.
Presently there are many eager believers who have tried to follow the Lord out of self will. They entered the darkness without the calling and the grace to do so, and now find themselves deceived. While in their minds they think and fell like they are living in the dark places of evil and shining for the Lord, the reality is that they, in their presumption, have set up a tent of darkness in the realm of light. They sit in this tent that blocks out the Light and think they are living in the dark, doing some great good. You can tell these tent dwellers by their constant complaining about the dark, their nay-saying about how few others follow, how costly the life of service is for them and how greatly God is pleased with them, yet others fail to see their Godliness. Such is life in the tent, in the dark, in the Light.
The one who has followed the Lord and not themselves into the dark, hardly knows they are in the dark once they find their place of rest or stopping. While each step they take requires them to face all the hordes of hell, once they stop, face the light of God within them, they are at peace. Life is good to these dark dwellers, they have needs but don't complain or fret. The life they live is a great life, they behold the light and not the dark.
Where do you live?
What branding is on your heart? Do not fret to see it. If you are to dwell in the dark, it will pain our heart to live in the Light. Only keep a tender heart and fear not. Even the life of faith requires we trust God with our heart, our calling, our success and our purpose.

Stumbling Blocks

For Jews demand signs and Greeks desire wisdom, but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles. 1 Corinthians 1:22,23

Are you a stumbling block to others? You are if you proclaim something other than what they want! People have an agenda for us and they get upset when that agenda is not meet.

If you want to upset the apple cart at work, don't meet the demands of the office, or fail to have the wisdom needed to go to the next level. It won't take long and someone will be stumbling through.

But Christ is the answer to both, to all, unmet expectations. Jesus can take the little provision of the work place, the few people on the call list, the shortage of leads; and multiply them. Jesus is the wisdom of the ages and by His insight we can navigate troubled waters.

When we truly learn to be neither Jew nor gentile we become one new man. A person who finds in the Lord all that we need and all that causes the world to stumble. Lord help us not to be unsettled because we are unable to meet all the needs, to solve all the problems. Lord help us to keep on trusting in you and be aware of how Satan seeks to make us live for others more than we live for us. Let us all keep seeking you first and trusting you, that that will be enough. Help those who are tripping over us.

Sin Sin Sin

To know how good you are you must first know how no good you are! If you are feeling miserable, worthless, if you are wrestling with negative thoughts, unforgiveness and lust; I have good news for you. If you are happy being you, find a joy in defending your actions and know that the troubles of your life are because some else, not you, is causing that trouble.... well you may not want to read any more.

How often are we convicted of our sins? I hope each of us daily is convicted of our sin and need to find the Lord so that we can live. I know that it sounds "sick", by today's enlightened ones, to deal with sinning every day, but it is one of life's biggest blessings. God doesn't mind telling me how much of a sinner I am because He has a big stick (cross) that He uses to share His love with me.

The love of God is the greatest gift that man can know. But we will know little of it unless we also know and except that we are sinners. This issue of sin is not a total worthless mindset, but it is a total worthless mindset without God's intervention and help. Only when I need and value redemption do I understand my worth and God's love.

My pride and independence war against my need to be forgiven and thus my encounter with the cross and love of God. Don't we all know people who want to live a "godly life" with out being a sinner? Don't we all know people who are good people and love God, they just don't need to be labeled and judged. Yet this same group of people fill their lives with so many other things in a search to be loved, because they do not truly encounter or experience the love of God. To go deep in the love of God you must also deal deeply with the depths of your own sin, selfishness, greed, lust and evil.

Increasing your rejection potential

I am about to step out into a whole new area in my life. It is a area that I have shared with Shirley for years, but now that I am almost grow up we think I am able to move to a whole new level. So I am going to increase my rejection potential.

In a few years I need to talk to Reed about his love for baseball, pitching in particular. I want Reed to love the sport but I need him to know that only the fans of the teems he is on will cheer for him. All the other people are going to cheer against him. The farther he goes in baseball the more he will be increasing his rejection potential.

Now someone reading this article may think that I am negative, but that is not true. A negative person would tell you that people are going to reject you. I am only telling you that your potential for rejection is increasing. But it might be best to lie to people and tell them that everyone will love them and desire for them to win. Do you think people watch the last out in the world series and hope the pitcher throws his best pitches to strike out their teams batter? Or do you think they hope the pitcher blows it?

I think Jesus was a nice fellow. I have not meet him personally but everything I read about Him leads me to believe He should be liked. I mean he healed sick people, helper the poor, help the wise get wiser. Yet all along He increased His rejection potential. I bet people all around Jerusalem who heard that Jesus had rose from the dead and was now holding a little prayer gathering in the upper room were secretly locked in their homes by the Herod Home Security Force. Even after He defeated death Jesus was not excepted by others. He only had a 120 in the upper room. Shirley's family down home have more than that show up for a good fish fry.

So the next time to feel lead to step out and do something for God, family or job, just settle it that some will cheer for you and some against you. Once that is settled, go for it. If the Son of God wasn't slowed down by all the naysayers, neither should we be.

Get out there and get rejected!

Amazing Grace and Head Shots

Yesterday I went to the movie "Amazing Grace" with my family. I really enjoyed the movie, but felt a little uncomfortable with the resolve of the people. What kind of people live for a cause so long and with so much passion. I'm more of a head shot person.

Whitney sent me her head shots. She is beautiful, such a smile, such eyes. I took the time to look at each one, noticing the subtle differences of each picture. O, then to my surprise a second page, how nice. I checked out the second page, but not so intently. Then on to the third, and now a forth, a fifth, a tenth...!

I must admit now that I started to panic. How many of these pages of pictures are there? My loving and beautiful daughter was now becoming a "in your face" burden. Mom's probably don't feel like this. But I thought, "will these things never end".

Like in the movie, it takes special people to say with a thing till the end. If the battles we are fighting require years of service, keep the faith. I don't think I could have made it through the 329 head-shots of my daughter if I didn't love the cause. Yet I do think I know why they call them head-shots instead of close portraits. It comes from the early days of photography, out west when they still wore side irons (guns). By the time you got half way through the picture taking event the hunter/photographer/shooter was more aiming and looking. With a sweet smile in front of the camera and a steady aim of death behind the lens, each snap with accompanied with a silent "I got you"!

The Bible says the Lord is ever mindful of us. I wonder if He gets tired of looking at me? I bet if He wasn't God, he would sure want a day off. Before the beginning of time He knew me, and you. Endlessly He has dealt with us, looking at us, being aware of us. I think God's love and kindness is much more than I can comprehend. I mean I love my daughter but 40-50 pictures are quite fine. 329 are a bit testing of my love.

Tonight in the prayer room I may ask the Lord to take me off His mind, you know give Him a little break. I am sure I stress His Goodness by my head-shots. I know He loves me. I know He delights in me. I just don't know how He does it.

Maybe it is like Amazing Grace, God has the nature to see a thing through. Maybe God is going to see me through too. Do you think that there is every a whisper in heaven that sounds like..ready...aim...fire.

Justice

I wonder what my life would be like if God dealt with me justly? I know the truth is that I am “no good”, “unworthy”, and “full of sin”. Yet that is not the truth God Himself has asked me to live under. But what if God desires to be more just in my life than I want?

I have a lot of people give me money, food, clothing. Sure I do acts of love and kindness for others, I care for my neighbors. I preach, teach and serve so that I am worthy of the calling that I have received. But what is my worth in the Kingdom of God? Am I worth the Lord keeping me alive?

The last few days I have been dreaming about some pretty big things, things that in the natural cost millions of dollars. I was even dreaming and praying about taking one year of my life, and through a planned effort record on video my quest for the Lord. It would be a year of fasting, seeking, fervent living the life for Christ in the midst of this everyday world and then recording that for others to see. The “why” is because I believe in my heart there is lurking just outside our vision a reality of God that is greater than “Survivor Man” and numerous other reality shows. Don’t we need a “real” how to survive this life with God documentary to balance all the “try harder” messages and the “one day God will bless you so much you will never need to work at it again” dreams. Should I ask people to keep me alive while I try such a thing? Should I ask them to carry my burden and support my family? I bet my older kids are glad they are out of the house!

If I was like Jesus I would have not trouble living off the Lord. But I am not much like God. But what if I became like Him?

Bride of Christ is looking good!

There was this one time in Dallas Texas, in a meeting when I saw in the Spirit and with my own eyes that victory over the earth is a reality for the Bride of Christ. I remember in that meeting crying over the beauty and power in the Bride. I had for years trusted in the Lord, but on that day I saw so much of the glory, wonder, power of God in the Bride, that I knew the world could not stand before her. I saw this wonder on the earth as the people there entered into that place of one heart, one mind and one voice to the Lord. It was not that everyone there was saying or doing all the same thing, it was that everyone (or so it seemed) was in Christ.
I am writing this from the International House of Prayer, prayer room in Kansas City MO. Last night in the Encounter God meeting I saw, once again, the beauty of the Lord in the Bride that makes her beyond the control of this world. Even as our Lord has taught us, we can live holy, loving, free lives.
Last night, as the evening progressed, there were invitations to pray for the needs of others. Times of prayer were given to pray for those with cancer, in need of healing or a number of other issues. People climbed over chairs to lovingly and fearlessly pray for others. As I watched my heart was stirred as in this community there seem to be no fear. It seemed as if they lived in the reality that nothing was to difficult for God. Beyond that inner resolve of faith they also seemed to delight in the asking, seeking and crying out.
It was like entering a room filled with people so in love with God, so real in living and loving Him authentically, that they were just an extension of the nature and love of God on the earth. Hundreds and hundreds of happy, loving and smiling faces seeking to be fully living in the embrace of God. It is happening here – hopefully too in Peoria IL, Homestead FL, or Rapid City SD. May that holy splendor of Christ fill the Bride and fill our earth.
Like Simeon in the Gospel of Luke who was able to see the Lord’s Christ as a Baby, I too trust that we will see the maturity of our Lord’s Bride in infancy.

Do You See What I See

Recently I had a booth for the Peoria Prayer Center at a conference. This conference is called “Equip” and seeks to do just that for the people who attend, equip them.

On the first day of the conference I meet the people who were around me with their booths, these were the other potential equipping and supporting ministries. Thier was the children’s evangelists who starting throwing gold coins from his booth whenever he did not have people to talk to. He slicked his hair back, wore a dark jacket with a red cross on the back. He also gave away Jelly Bellies that tasted like dirt, worms, rotten eggs and worse things in his ministry.

Next to the evangelist was a middle aged woman in a three piece suit, neatly pressed, hair in place, great posture and offering music for children to sing the scriptures to. Her display was neat and orderly and she would never think of removing a piece of it to flick it on the floor for entertainment and attention.

Behind me was a young lady running a home for needy and delinquent children. She said that in her ministry this conference was like a vacation. She hardly talked and read a book most of the time. Friendly, loving and yet ever much enjoying time to read. Across from her was an older man selling books. He wore a vest sweater from the 60’s, recounted most every transaction and could tell you hour by hour how things were going in comparison to last years sales.

Then there was me. A middle aged overweight man holding a book in his hand, flicking candy back at the children’s evangelist, always being cautious not to offend the well dressed lady and allowing others to straighten up my table as it got shuffled around. Yet our diversity was nothing compared to the people who attended the conference.

There was the youth pastor in shorts, elongated goatee and piercing, the lead pastor in suspenders, belt, and pants tucked in boots and carrying a grocery bag for supplies. There was the lady in a gym suit that made you wonder if she knew she was in public, the pastor’s wife missing teeth and the normal biker types with tattoos, long hair, silver teeth, nose ring and wife dressed in tight leathers hanging out by his side.

I hope that I can share with you in words what I saw, it was wonderful, beautiful, close to holy. It was the bride of Christ dressed in her Saturday garments. She was out in the world seeking to find another who knew of the one she loved and could help her know Him more. The Bride is enlightened with diversity, reflecting the creativity of God in dress, personality and passion. I got to stand in a holy place and see the wonders of God pass by as the redeemed from varying traditions, cultures, background glided past. It was like a little picture into heaven. We will probably be busy in heaven for a hundred years just getting use to all the different people there.

I’m glad I get to stand with the righteous ones, the pierced ones, the farmer and the professional, the goofy and the godly. As these two or three gathered in His name, He was there.

Snow, cold, sick people and cabin fever are the things of my life right now. It's funny that things take longer in the cold and when dealing with "sickies". I find that I have a "sick tolerance". I will lovingly and tenderly care for you so long, but if the "sick tolerance" wears off, look out. Oh, I would never do anything wrong on the outside, it is the inside stuff that you need to be concerned about.

Yet years ago I had a sign hanging in my office that said, "You will worry less about what others think of you when you realize how little they do". So maybe everyone else is thinking about themselves just like I am. I guess that would be a form of unity.

I lovingly pulled my truck up into a snowdrift on our driveway the other day so the women who were coming to our house to meet with Shirley could use the drive. Today I went out to see how bad I was stuck and found about 2 inches of ice under the rear wheels. For a moment I regretted being the doer of good deeds. If you do something nice but later regret it, does that negate the original good deed by the later bad thought?

That is how I feel about a lot of snow now. At first I am excited about it. Then, when I am out helping the neighbors shovel out, I hate it. You know if you helped all your neighbors shovel out their homes for years, I mean you have done it so much that they now expect it, can you post a sign in your yard that says, "Turing 50, Snow help on a first come first serve basis, limited to 2 customers/neighbors." Well the good thing is that I am not out there clearing a 25 car parking lot any more.

Aside from all the grumbling, which I do because I try to get more attention for all the little things I do that I thing should earn me more praise. Aside from all that, I love helping others. So may people have helped me in my life, it would be impossible to count. I like caring for our neighbors, I like seeing people respond when you show them a little love, a little caring. It is like bringing a little hope and happiness into the world simply by helping someone else.

Now that it is my turn to help, I hope all those who helped me can look down (I hope that aren't trying to look up) and see their investment paying off. Thanks guys, family, friends, strangers and all who shared a little love and labor along the highway of life.


rd

Twisted

Twisted

When I looked up the word “twisted” I got the following references; warped, perverse, sick, bitter, cruel, perverted, and abnormal. I looked up the word “twisted” because it was the first word that came to my mind when I read Deut. 9:2-6. After reading that passage I thought, “how screwed up I am” and how many years I have based actions on a false foundation. I also became somewhat ashamed of how little I know of the love of God and how much I live in self-love.

Right now, as I type this I am feeling lost. How much of my life have I based on a false favoritism from God? In how many other areas of my life, of living do I have a bad foundation? I need a good saving. As you read the passage below understand that "driving them out" is not based on the "goodness of God's people, but on the need for justice in the earth.

Deut 9:2-6
3 "Know therefore today that it is the LORD your God who
is crossing over before you as a consuming fire. He will destroy them and He
will subdue them before you, so that you may drive them out and destroy them
quickly, just as the LORD has spoken to you. 4 Do not say in your heart when the
LORD your God has driven them out before you, 'Because of my righteousness the
LORD has brought me in to possess this land,' but it is because of the
wickedness of these nations that the LORD is dispossessing them before you. 5 It
is not for your righteousness or for the uprightness of your heart that you are
going to possess their land, but it is because of the wickedness of these
nations that the LORD your God is driving them out before you, in order to
confirm the oath which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob. 6 Know, then, it is not because of your righteousness that the LORD your
God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stubborn people.
NAS

Three times in this short passage the Lord speaks to tell us that God was bringing justice on the earth because justice was needed, not because the people of God were favored above the other people. Once I think about it God used “pagan” nations to do the same thing to the people of God when injustice among the people of God reached His limit.

What urks me is that I know so little or the real love of God. I long to be favored more than others, especially more than people who do not serve God. How can I live if God’s love for me is the same as His love for people who don’t even try to serve Him? I have built a whole system in my heart of being loved based on how I live. Don’t get me wrong, I want to live a life worthy of the Lord; but I want to know the true love of God. To truly know the love of God it looks like I need to have a heart for other people on a level I am not comfortable with. I need to realize how God even loves His enemies like He loves me. I need to surrender my need to be special and embrace His love that goes beyond comprehension. How twisted I am when I think His love for me equates Him loving others less.

Pain and Suffering

Reed was lying on his bed near tears and in pain for a head injury. Just a few hours earlier he was out having fun sledding and snowboarding. But this little guy was not knocked off his feet and we both were pleading to the Lord for healing and help.

Do you ever wonder why we care so much? I was raised with the attitude that, "pain on someone else doesnt bother me". Yet now it does. When did I come to love this little boy so much that I would be willing to take his place? At what point in life did his life become more important than my own? How do we go from being fed up with their behaviour to supreme unconditional love?

Reed kept throwing up and I kept praying to make a wise decision. We took him in to get scanned. In the hospital Reed became the little tough guy and all the pain and suffering of moments before were "not much" and "a little". If I didnt want him to get better I probably would have gotten upset that he was making me look bad. How quickly the focus can change from someone else back to me.

But I realize that Reed was just living in this world. Christ Jesus loves us in our pain and suffering and He came and took our place. He actually died so that we might live. Sure we complain about the living but we would be dead forever if it was not for Him. Yet we, just like Reed, blow off our weakness and pain in the face of this world. This world is built on not being needy, not being in pain or hurting. Somehow if you are invincible, you get the prize. But if you are in need of help, of being saved from your own sin, your a looser.

I have a lot of pride and donot want to be a looser. Yet I am. I am that sick boy lying in bed and in need of a Father to make it right. When I spend an hour or two in silence and thought, I come to know how evil my own heart is and how great a transplant I need. I guess I love Reed when he is hurting so much because that is how I am loved. I am just giving back what I have received. Just like my Father in heaven loves me, so now His love, in tiny drops, flows through me to another person in pain.

Reed is doing great now. He is upstairs waiting for me to cook some potatoes and eggs. In a little while I will probably get mad at him for being a child and doing childish things. But sooner or later he will hurt again and I will once more have the opportunity to love him as I look to care for someone else rather than just live for myself.

Thanks to the Father of the fathers for His love.

Bible Sword Drill

This cartoon reminds me of how some people responded on the last trip to Mississippi. I remember asking someone to get me a tri-square and how confused they were looking for a square with three sides. If you think about it very long you will wonder what type of people will make a "tri-square" anyway.

At work, which is "at prayer" but we call it "at work"; even though it is quite fun. Well at work, in prayer, I often see people with the same "big eyes" when we talk about "harp and bowl intercession", "prophetic intercession", "apostolic prayers", and "spontaneous singing from the word". They look just like I look when Shirley is talking about commas, capitol letters, run on sentences and "not-a-words". I a perfect world everyone would understand what we meant and we would mean what they understand. This is not a perfect world.

I hope I stay innocent all the days of my life, like the kids on the missions trip. They would search with all their hearts to try and find what I was asking for, to find this tool that they didn't even know existed with some whacked out name. I want to be childlike, like that. I want to hear my dad tell me to go get some "boxed sphere of verbal silence" and off I run in anticipation of finding the right tool and making Him proud.

Don't you just love it when God moves into a place and all who are there silently hear His voice. And then they respond with one heart and one cry to our most visible unseen heavenly Father? Well if you don't get this, don't worry. Just come on over and we will have a Bible Sword Drill.

RATS

In the beginning God created a lot of things, including rats. During our time in Mississippi I shared a space with a medium size dead rat. This was more enjoyable than sharing the same space with a small alive rat. More enjoyable for me, not that rat.

Since I often pray that God is good and just I know deep within my inner man that rats are good. Good from God's perspective. They have a reason to exist on the earth. It may be they are like cockroaches. Rats and cockroaches can be used of God to cause a holy fear that leads to prayers of protection and deliverance.

I had a night in Mississippi when, according to one youthful critic, I was the "scaredest" he had ever seen. After listening to rats chew on the corner of our dwelling for about an hour I suddenly felt something jump on my face. In the spirit of Sampson I grabbed the intruding villein and wrestled it off my face and to the side of my cot. In an our bust of anger and hostility I was horrified that I had been accosted by a corner of my blanket. I know some people who have blankets that love them and comfort them. Mine joined in union with the rats to terrorize me.

But in the end I got to align myself with scripture. I arose and turned on the light over my bed. True to the nature of light the darkness was pushed back. Now the dark and forbidding corner that was filled with chewing noises was converted. God is light and in Him no darkness dwells. Do you think that God created light in the first place to drive out the "chaos" (darkness, mess, rats) in Gen. 1?

In my "Manly" ways I asked if my new night light was a problem to anyone else in the hut. I was thankful that this group was home schooled and well trained in not imposing their will on adults. Just a few moans and groans and the rest of the night was full of light and peaceful ratlessness. While I learned to deal with my issues with light, many of the young men learned to sleep with their sleeping bags and pillows pulled over their eyes. What a great night for learning!

If you ever have trouble getting out and bed and going to work, just bring a few rats into your room and allow them to live and breed. This one simple action will greatly help you get and out bed and look forward to get going in the mornings.

Winning Picture Goes Here

This is not the winning picture but one from another trip.

Salsa and tasting life

Does salsa taste better if you have all your teeth? I had to have some of my teeth pulled when we were poor and young, just starting off in life. We could not afford to have my teeth fixed, we just had them pulled. But now that we are old(er) and.., I'm still having my teeth pulled.

But does life, I mean salsa, taste better with all your chewing tools? Do we miss out of tasting life because we have holes in our mouth?

Years ago I was at home eating a granola bar and when I bit in, one of my teeth broke off. Later on a fishing trip in South Dakota we were "going light" on lunch and just having granola bars. Guess what. I bit the bar and another tooth broke off. Health food attacks me for sucking up to ice cream all those years.

I just got back from working in Mississippi. Some of the people there have holes, places missing. I think there is a lot of life, a lot of God, they are missing as they try to chew up the meal they have been served. I went to help them out, but you know, I have some teeth missing in my own mouth. Most dental work is not transferable with some one else. I don't know this for sure but when I look at my neighbors dentures, I don't think they will fix into my mouth. It seems like we can encourage one another but the chewing is left up to the individual.

I know we all miss out on things because of the losses we have suffered. But when we get to heaven I think most of us will realize it was not the salsa we wanted anyway - it was the chip!

Happy chewing and watch out for those granola bars.